He Saw It All

Mother’s Day. Such an interesting day. All the commercials and advertising that is thrown our way; so much pressure is put on our family to make that day perfect for us. Its like if they don’t have the perfect gift, food, flowers, and social media post with a good picture of us, then they don’t truly love or appreciate us. Any moms cringe at the ambush, yet you can’t help but compare on how yours measures up against everyone else?

I have under-appreciated the day. I have also placed too much value in it. And I have been wrecked over it. I’m talking, bawling in the shower… the ugly sobs that don’t sound human. Let’s talk about that day…

That day, my husband tried. Bless his heart, he tried. He took all three of our children (ages 5, 3, and 10 mos) to the grocery store at 8am to get me a Breakfast goodie, flowers, and a card. My precious people – three of them gave me the title of which was being celebrated that very day – came waddling into the bedroom with their little treasures for me, grinning like the cat that got the cream. They placed their offerings on my lap, told me Happy Mother’s Day along with hugs and wet kisses. (Why are they always so wet? Where does that all come from? Maybe I should have that looked into? I digress.)

I thanked them, wiped my face off, and the three amigos left me to eat my breakfast in peace. (And by “in peace” I mean, well, I guess I don’t know what I mean.) Anyway, they left me to eat breakfast in bed and while I was alone, I started to pout. You know, where you start to feel sorry for yourself? You didn’t get this or that, you didn’t get some grand declaration of love, you didn’t get the item you strategically told your BFF that if your hubby asks her what to get you “this-is-what-you-want” gift, you didn’t get the magical vacation to Italy you’ve been dreaming about, or you know – whatever. (I dream real big, I know. It’s a blessing and a curse.)

Anyway, I’m sulking away, minding my own business, when on its own accord, my mind starts to wander… I started to think of the moms I knew yet the world didn’t know that they are moms… The moms who have babies in their hearts but not their arms – the ones with angel babies. My mind went to the women who are trying to conceive, the women who are out there fostering and adopting little lives. Women, the things we can go through for little ones who will never know how much we love them!

In that moment, I headed to the shower – the place all mom’s go to ugly cry – and I let it out. I let out all of my own frustrations. I wept for friends that were in the midst of their own battles. I wept for those who lost their own mother and were feeling the loss of them no longer being a phone call away.

In my sorrow, seeing only the things that seem to go unseen or unspoken on that day, I had the audacity to think, “My heart hurts and today is supposed to be about me! To celebrate me!” (Can you believe that?! I’m so embarrassed to admit I actually had that thought go through my head.)

But I want you to catch what happened next… I felt a gentle, yet corrective, voice whisper, “no, it’s about me.”

It’s about HIM.

No matter my expectations, they aren’t mine to have. I am blessed because I am HIS! And I am HIS because He came for me, He chose me, He adopted me, and He died for me. All that I am, or will ever be, is because of Him. My life is not my own.

A paradigm shift happened then. There are moments when what you knew in your head, you now know in your heart. He sees me. REALLY sees me. And if He sees me, then I know He sees you. But now, He wants you to see Him. Will you? Will you get out from underneath or behind your current circumstances to find Him?

She (Hagar) gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:13 NIV

I celebrate this day much differently now. I don’t expect any grand gestures, because my savior gave me the grandest gesture of all. He laid down his life for me when I didn’t deserve it. I still do the “work” of the day, and I squeeze those around me extra long and extra tight. I also slow down and just give thanks for all that has been given to me. For when it has always been about Him, He has chosen to also make it about me.

Listen To: Out of Hiding (Father’s Song) by Steffany Gretzinger and Amanda Cook

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